The Funeral Revolution!

Did you know it is legal to be buried in your back garden or any land you own?

Did you know that you don’t have to hold a funeral in a chapel, church or crematorium?

Did you know that you can have a funeral without involving a funeral director?

Did you know that you can keep the body of a loved one at home after they die for as long as you want to?

Did you know that you can buy your own coffin directly, or even make one? And that it’s not actually a legal requirement to have a coffin for burial or cremation?

There’s so much that many of us don’t know…….

I am lucky enough to work with some excellent funeral directors whose approach I really rate. (….if you’re interested I’ll happily make recommendations of local funeral firms who are compassionate, caring and will really listen to what you want).

But in many cases, the funeral industry is very old fashioned, very formulaic, and very keen to sell expensive add-ons. I am, however, starting to see some promising changes in the industry - especially with more women getting inolved at every level!

(Side note: I’ve never quite understood why, as a culture we still believe ‘respect for the dead’ equals ‘faux Victoriana’ (ie. black tail coats, canes, top hats, lots of bowing etc) This 'style' can be great if that’s what you want, but is increasingly out of step with the way many people would choose to mark the end of their life.)

There are 2 rather marvellous ladies, both called Kate who run the Coffin Club in Brighton....and who are campaigning for a ‘Funeral Revolution’ I took their 'Celebrant Plus' course last year, and it helped to clarify some of my thoughts and ideas about the funeral industry and how important it is to offer people options to do things a bit differently - truly taking into account the values and interests and beliefs of the person it is all about.

Although some people feel much more comfortable with a traditional funeral at a crematorium or chapel, lots of people are starting to think outside the box (excuse the pun) when it comes to acknowledging the end of a life.

I have now led funerals in gardens, homes, woodlands, village halls, church halls and hotels. And at all these venues it is possible to have a coffin present if you want, though sometimes people prefer to separate the burial or cremation from the ‘event’ that guests are invited to.

If there isn’t a coffin present, I always suggest that we create some kind of centrepiece with photos, flowers, candles, or personal items relating to the person whose funeral it is.

My favourite thing about an ‘alternative venue’ funeral is that there’s a more natural ‘flow’ between the more formal element of ceremony or rituals, and the informal chatting, eating, drinking etc. There isn’t that awkward shift when everyone travels from the crematorium to the pub.

At an alternative venue there are no time restrictions, so there can be live music, refreshments served throughout, toasts around the coffin with their favourite tipple, opportunities to decorate the coffin with words and messages, more time for people to share memories and stories, and if important guests are running late, we just wait – because there is no pressure to start or end at a fixed time.

At a lovely funeral in a bright and airy hotel reception room recently, everyone was served teas and coffees when they arrived which helped guests to relax and talk to each other. We had a table set up for children of all ages to write messages and draw pictures which would later be put inside the coffin. Everyone lit a candle, and there was opportunity for adults and children alike to give tributes in a very relaxed way. And then when the ceremony was over, a buffet lunch was served in the same room, the prosecco started flowing and the relaxed laughter and reminiscing continued late into the afternoon.

Funerals can be sombre or celebratory, understated or flamboyant. Essentially, funerals can (and arguably should) be a lot like any other event or gathering – unique, personal, meaningful and relevant to all the attendees and the person at the heart of it.

If you’d like to do things differently and become part of the funeral revolution; and you're looking for a celebrant who will help you co-create something special, please do get in touch!